GIANT BAND AID (heal the world)
do you ever find yourself wanting to make something, and also surrounded by cardboard from ordering too much shit you don’t need off the internet? WELL ARE WE TWINS?
i first got this idea when i saw this kid holding a giant fake bandaid on someones instagram stories, and i screen shot it thinking “i want a giant bandaid,” then, “i wonder where one can procure a giant bandaid,” then, “i can MAKE ONE.”
also, i once tried to tell my friend, shea, about making this giant bandaid out of cardboard. i’ve known shea since i was like, 21? i think technically we may have met early, and been at the same party/other events? but 21 is the first time i remember TALKING to him. and hes been (unwillingly) stuck with my ass ever since. (ladies, he is single. he’s like, 6’5, OWNS HIS OWN PLACE, has a good job, and lives in the seattle area, if you’re interested LMK).
ANYWAY i was telling him about making shit outta cardboard, and he could just NOT GRASP IT. he could not understand why id make anything for fun, or that serves no purpose other than to make me laugh and take up space in my home. and i had a hard time explaining why i was doing it, because tbh, i didnt have a great reason either. and why do i make anything i make?
WHY DOES ANYONE MAKE ANYTHING?
especially because i didnt make anything for a long time. like, for at least a decade after art school. i started again during the covid lockdown, and once i did? that urge/compulsion/impulse came back and so far hasn’t left (thank god, i missed it).
shea is very much a logical/computer brain, and apparently does not have this impulse? CANT RELATE.
WHAT YOU’LL NEED:
cardboard
a pencil
scissors
paint brushes
modpodge or glue
paint
mental illness
electric drill
HOW TO:
first you’re gonna wanna take your cardboard. you’ll want a shape big enough to make the whole whatever sized bandaid you’re gonna wanna make, but without any creases or flappy flappy bits.
then youll draw out the shape of a band aid. if you need to go to your bathroom/first aid kit/ medicine cabinet, LISTEN I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU KEEP YOUR BANDAIDS but WHEREVER they are, if you need one to help you get a hotdog with two long straight edges shape of a bandaid, then go get it. i’ll wait.
okay? got your bandaid? a fancy welly bravery bandage will work too. whatever. draw the shape of the bandaid on the cardboard with your writing utensil. i said pencil, but a pen or maker or whatever will work too.
cut the band aid shape out with scissors or an exacto, whatever you find easier.
take your pencil and another piece of cardboard, this can be a scrap piece. and draw out a rectangly shape, this will be the gauze part.
cut out the gauzey bandage part of the bandaid, like the part that actually covers the wound.
okay now mix up whatever color you’d like to make your bandaid. you’ll see i went with the classic VERY INCLUSIVE pinky beige. paint the large part of the bandaid, like the part where one side is sticky, that color. PAINT BOTH SIDES. let it dry.
mix up another lighter color, like a white or off white, idk you do you, and paint the rectangle piece that color.
use mod podge to stick the two pieces together.
find a bit that looks like itll make the proportionally sized holes that make up the IDK air vents? of the bandaid…. idk are they the straps of the bandaid? idk. im very high right now.
drill the holes
NOW YOU GOT A BIG ASS BANDAID YOURE WELCOME
hang it on your wall. use it to help heal emotional wounds. use it to cover the very large hole in your social life that comes with being 35 and single!!!!
its a great conversation starter!! (note: most of your conversations will be like, “did you make a giant bandaid? why?”)
THINGS* I LIKE RIGHT NOW:
THE MOTHERFUCKING FEDERAL DUCK STAMP COMPETITION!! im writing this on the second day of judging. if you dont know what the federal duck stamp is, its essentially a stamp created by a president at one time, idk when and im not looking it up. (jk i will when i go to add in the stupid links) to help with conservation efforts. each year, a bunch of artists compete to have their duck (or sometimes swan or goose or whatever. waterfowl) be CROWNED THE FEDERAL DUCK STAMP. then if you want to duck hunt, you gotta buy the stamp and it acts as your license. 98 cents of every dollar for the duck stamp goes directly to wetland conservation efforts, and its save something like idk a bajillion acres of wetland. if you’re interested, i def rec watching the documentary MILLION DOLLAR DUCK where you’ll learn about the history of the duck stamp, some of the artists who have won/compete every year, the PETTY AMAZING DRAMA between some of the artists, etc.
*listen, its just one thing. it’s all i could come up with right now.
IF THIS SUBSTACK IS THE ONLY THING YOU’VE READ BY ME
well then, thanks! but if you’re wondering how i can call myself a writer with this poorly written jibberty poop i write stoned, dont proofread AT ALL, and just send out? i invite you to check out some of my more polished shit.
Forsaken: MY YEARS AS AN EMPLOYEE OF A DYSFUNCTIONAL HAUNTED HOUSE
SHITCANNED: MY PARALLEL YEAR WITH HILLARY CLINTON (FTG. BRADLEY WHITFORD)
Theres more, but my mom get this. (HI PEGZ) so if you really want that good good NSFP (not safe for pegz) shit, msg me and i can link you.
thanks for reading love you bye