hi. hello.
thank you for subscribing to my substack. i’m still figuring this out, so i hope you arent expecting a lot. if you are, well thats really more on you, isnt it? perhaps this can be a lesson for you on having realistic expectations. your welcome.
this first letter is dedicated to my catapult classmate, diane. she is a wonderful, hilarious writer and world traveler who inspired this first post. you can follow her newsletter and french recommendations here. I highly recommend it.
i learned you could buy tiny babies in bulk from amazon where i now learn most things, on tiktok and i immediately had a vision.
a year or two ago i put a glass fillable lamp on my amazon wishlist. the picture and amazon description suggested filling it with decorative seashells for a beachy look, but i thought “no, i can do better.” i left it on there knowing one day the muse would speak to me, and one fateful day after watching tiktok in bed that muse said “tiny babies.”
i ordered the lamp from amazon and rushed to my porch they day it arrived. i picked up the boxed and immediately thought “oh nooooo” when i heard the jingle jangle of broken glass. someone had decided to toss a glass lamp in a giant ass box with nothing but one of this lil air pockets and a dream, then drop kicked it into the truck. i wasnt really sure what to do. i called amazon and was like “hey can i just get a refund, i dont wanna send yall shards of glass in the mail',” but then their system was down and it all seemed like a LOT OF WORK to remedy the situation so i just recycled it all.
while i tried to find another lamp from a place that wouldnt shatter my fucking dream, i had another vision and made this:
Tiny Baby Jar:
Instructions:
get a bunch of tiny babies
get a jar (i used an old mission cheese jar id been using as a paint brush holder, but you can use whatever container strikes your fancy
hot glue babies to jar
i mean i guess also grab a hot glue gun and some glue sticks. but like duh. come on dont make me spell everything out for you.
after this i had a tiny plastic baby lust that knew no bounds. i finally made the trip to target where i spent about 10 minutes debating between the bronze version or the silver. (fun fact! i also had a basket full of shit and also holding this fucking lamp when i realized oh hey, i should grab some light bulbs. so i DID and then i went to the freezer aisle to get some talenti gelato and when i was putting it in my basket the lightbulbs fell out shattered all over the floor. luckily a target employee was close buy and heard me be like excuse me help plz and cleaned it up while i apologized over and over again ANYWAY)
i had to wait a couple more days for more babies to arrive. id used a bunch on the jar and the initial 240 id bought wasn’t enough anyway. (this ended up being, by FAR, the most expensive craft ive ever done and probably will ever do. but its now a family heirloom that can be passed on for generations so its priceless.)
Baby Lamp:
Instructions:
get a lamp, try and make sure someone doesn’t shatter it.
get lightbulbs, try not to shatter them.
get way more tiny babies than you think youll need. (unless you are one of those people who really excelled with those jellybeans in a jar contests, then just eyeball it)
put babies in lamp
light that bitch up and marvel at your handiwork
Where do I find tiny babies?
kings cakes, if your lucky.
theres also a bunch more. just search “tiny plastic babies”.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope you have enjoyed the first installment of UNHINGED: crafts and thoughts. join us next time when we explore crafting with your medications.
Looking for other cool shit?
each newsletter im gonna try and recommend some stuff i like. this week id like to highlight three of my favorite substacks!
The Criterion Cure ANOTHER amazing classmate of mine, stephanie, is watching the criterion collection in sequential order with her husband. stephanie is hilarous, insightful and wonderful.
talk about it writer, poet, publisher alexandra naughton has a very fun newsletter that delights me every time it pops up in my inbox.
shining light where the sun dont shine CHLOE CALDWELL has a new substack yall. i honestly cant say enough nice things about chloe and how she changed my life, but her new newsletter is already a lot of fun. subscribe for book recs and reviews, updates, and hilarious and poignant insights from her amazing stepdaughter, louise.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope you have enjoyed the first installment of UNHINGED: crafts and thoughts. join us next time when we explore crafting with your medications.
<33
That jar of multiracial tiny babies is a beautiful metaphor for the unity of mankind!
I legitimately am glad I did not kill myself today because that would have meant I never would have seen the tiny baby jar