how to make friends
it takes a lot of hot glue to look this cheap
idk about yall but ive been feeling pretty down and lonely. is this possibly because of my persistent depressive disorder? or the isolation only a pandemic can bring?
PROBABLY BOTH.
anyway, i talked to my mom about this (aka peggy) and she suggested that when covid calms down, that i try to make some new friends so i spend less time alone.
WELL, i am not one to just sit around on my lazy ass (jk i am) and wait for a pandemic to end! i thought i’d get a jump start on this shit NOW.
so i made a new friend, and id like to introduce yall to…
TINY DOLLY
peggy said this isnt what she meant and asked if this was a cry for help.
in the words of parks and rec’s ben wyatt ….
on sunday, tiny dolly had a lil mishap. the past year, i took an online class with chloe caldwell through catapult, and at the end of it we got the opportunity to meet with a real! live! agent! and ask questions via zoom. well, during my 20 min call, one of my cats, karen, fucking STOLE tiny dolly off of my bed.
which prompted me to explain the look of panic on my face to the agent, lest he think it was him causing me such great distress, so i said “oh sorry, i uh. crafted a tiny dolly parton? and my cat, karen, just stole her. and ran off with her tiny cardboard guitar…”
when you eventually see me selling self printed copies of my book out of the trunk of my car, YOULL KNOW WHY.
“I thank God for my failures. Maybe not at the time but after some reflection. I never feel like a failure just because something I tried has failed.” - dolly parton
Materials:
felt in the color of your choosing, hot glue, glue sticks, yarn, googley eyes, popsicle sticks (For arms), pompoms, markers, pipecleaners, lil wooden thing thats vaguely in the shape of a head an disembodied torso, wooden round disc (yes i did type dick the first 2 times), your favorite dolly album (when im feelin sad mine is the grass is blue but any will do), cardboard!
INSTRUCTIONS:
call your mom on the phone, (or my mom! dm me if you need her number)
complain about your life, maybe cry a little.
fiddle around with your craft library while shes offering practical life advice because you have undiagnosed ADHD, that youre hoping to have diagnosed sometime this week when you are scheduled to meet with your psychiatrist, but you cant remember when the appointment is because you didnt write it down and you probably have ADH fucking D.
grab a lil wooden thing, and two pompoms, place two pompoms where tits would go, and GET INSPIRED.
sit upright in bed for possibly the first time that day.
start gussyin’ up said disembodied wooden torso to resemble icon, legend and star dolly fucking parton.
make a lil guitar outta cardboard (if your cat gets ahold of it, the bite mark can be camouflaged with a little paint)
Stuff I like this week1:
What Should I Call This by Troy James Weaver . I don’t have enough nice things to say about Troy. He’s like a big brother, and always been kind to me, even when he didn’t have to. Check out his absolute banger of a short story in SWR.
Breaking Down the Pitch & Getting Published with Caroline Shannon Karasik. ok tbh im kind of pissed i didnt schedule my time better so i could take this class. caroline is such an amazing person/writer and teacher! i have learned so much from her in the past year, and i cant imagine how fucking great this class is gonna be.
Ruthless Little Things by Elizabeth Victoria Aldrich. i am so glad this book is finally out in the world and that i got to finally read it. Eris is an incredible talent, and one of the kindest souls in the lit world. her book is described as “a tender, sorehearted transmission from a self-made prison, and an earnest flight toward escape.” and who wouldnt wanna read that?
no i cant ever remember what i call this section so it (probably?) keeps slightly changing.
Tiny Dolly is Amazing!